Last month, I was jettisoned from the comfortable cocoon of academia and thrust into the "real world," a place I had been desperately trying to re-enter for over a year. The Contra Costa Times laid me off in February of 2009, and I have not been fully employed since that day. I am a mess of emotions, ranging from bleak ennui over my unemployment to giddy joy at the thought of my upcoming wedding.
In 38 days, my name will be Florence Laumanamea Trapp. I can't wait.
Amid the chaos that is the last month of wedding planning, I find myself frightened by my future. Not my future with Brian, mind you, since I adore him and can't wait until the Coast Guard sends him home from that damn oil spill. No, I am scared of my career future.
I just earned a Master of Public Administration, but I have no government employment experience to show for it. I worked in newspapers for three years, but I am now struggling to fit myself into the freelance writing world. I love creativity and am naturally an artist type, but I carved myself a niche in the bureaucratic rigidity that is public service by earning my MPA. I don't belong anywhere, I think.
I want to run away and join the Peace Corps or the military (I know, very different services), but I know that my home is wherever Brian is. I want to have a normal 9-5 job with a desk in a cubicle and health insurance, but I find myself pulled in the other direction, toward spontaneity and adventure.
With any luck, Brian and I will be in a totally new location this time next year. If the Coast Guard decides to keep him around, we will move during the Permanent Change of Station (PCS) season next summer. If the CG decides to pass, we will have the opportunity to move anywhere we want. I'm thrilled by both options, so I guess that's a good sign that I'm learning to roll with the punches :)
3 comments:
Limbo is a difficult place for me as well! Hang in there! :)
if you have the opportunity to move anywhere in the world you want next year, my vote is for oahu. i could get you a job. guarunteed. plus, getting to see your beautiful face all the time would be a major plus. think about it ;)
you are beautiful and brilliant. never fear - your life will be fantastic, flo. i have zero doubts about that ;)
Flo, are we twins? You just wrote out everything I am feeling right now.
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