The first month.

My Darling Fiona,

One month ago today at 3:20 p.m., you came screaming into the world with flailing limbs, feathery brown hair, and the sweetest eyes I have ever seen. Someday soon I'll write down your birth story, but today I want to celebrate your life and the profound effect you have had on your daddy and I.



First, thank you for being easy on almost every front of this whole parenting business. You gave me an easy pregnancy, an easy delivery, and your first month has had only a few problems - all of them outside of your control. You were born with intense acid reflux and atopic dermatitis, both which have proven miserable and uncomfortable for you over the past week. Otherwise, however, I could not have asked for a more charming, hilarious, and perfect baby.



The first night we spent with you in the hospital, you slept on an odd mattress enclosed by plastic walls and perched on top of a rolling cabinet. I wanted to sleep with you, but the hospital policy didn't allow it. I was overwhelmed but so in love with you, and when you woke me up several times for changings and feedings, I was happy that I had an excuse to pick you up again.



The first two weeks of your life were spent in California at your Grandma Gina's house. We had a new home in Texas, but you weren't quite ready to fly there yet. Your grandparents were so good to us while we stayed with them. Grandpa Jimmy let us borrow his big nice car to drive you around in, and Grandma Gina cooked for us every day. Daddy and I were able to relax and enjoy your new life, and we can't thank them enough for taking care of us.



The day you came home, your Auntie G did something really wonderful. She covered your grandma's dining room table with useful gifts, a letter of helpful tips, and a fresh dinner. She recorded us taking you out of the car, and when I saw the video she made, I cried because I was so thankful that she captured that second day of your life. You were so tiny and fragile, and I can't believe that the chubby, smart baby you are now was ever that small.



Those two weeks in California were so important. We learned what your facial expressions meant, we learned how to respond to your distinct cries, and we learned that parenthood was not nearly as scary or difficult as we expected. You knew everything you needed to survive, so all we had to do was provide what you needed. Those incredible infant instincts helped you latch on and feed perfectly, and I love bonding with you when you nurse.



Your first bath was an epically chaotic experience. Since your umbilical cord stump was still attached, we had to give you a sponge bath by dripping water on you with washcloths and carefully scrubbing around your belly button. Unfortunately, baby bath tubs just can't hold a newborn efficiently, so you kept sliding out of your seat and onto your back. While I was holding you upright, daddy asked me to hand him something, and when I grabbed it from the bath faucet, I accidentally switched on the shower head.

You were sprayed with a huge burst of cold water, right on your face and the front of your body. I screamed, daddy and I got drenched too, and I immediately wanted to cry because of how pitiful your screaming was. I honestly felt like I'd physically harmed you. Looking back on the story now I can laugh, but it was my first big fumble as a parent, and I realize that it was a rite of passage :)



We said difficult goodbyes to our loved ones on your two week birthday and flew to Texas, where Daddy showed us around our beautiful new home. We are so lucky that he takes care of us so well. He started a new job here in Denton, and before we arrived he did his best to get the house ready for us. The dogs were so happy to have so much room to run around, and you responded well to the spacious, bright new environment.



In your third week, your Daddy's parents visited us on their way to their new home in Oregon. Your Grandpa Pat helped Daddy unpack the remainder of moving boxes and organize our garage, while your Grandma Sandy stayed with you and taught me helpful tips about babies. We celebrated the Fourth of July with a barbecue and were so happy we got to spend it with your grandparents.



That brings us to now, your big one month birthday. You are HUGE, baby girl. Last week you weighed in at 10 pounds, 2 ounces, a three pound gain since your birth. You are 21.5 inches tall, and you have the longest, prettiest fingers and toes that I've ever seen on a baby. Your liquid brown eyes are so big they remind me of an anime character, and you are changing every day.



You hold your head up for a minute at a time, and you make eye contact with a startlingly cognizant gaze. You are able to communicate so efficiently that most of the time, you don't have to cry to tell me what you need. Your fluffy hair was curly when you were born, but is straight right now. You are patient and quiet when we run errands, and you let us sleep through the night, only waking to feed occasionally. You talk and sing to yourself when no one is holding you, and when you hiccup, the expression of outrage on your face is so serious that we can't help but laugh.



I never believed that newborns had personalities, but you have a powerful one. When you hurt, your lungs unleash a mournful wail so heartbreaking that I can feel your pain deep down in my bones. When you're content, your huge inquisitive eyes scan the world above you, from the butterflies in your mobile to the stars in the vast night sky.



Thank you for giving me a center to my universe. I have never felt so balanced and purposeful in my life. I will do everything I can to give you a happy life, and I will enjoy every second that I get to hold you in my arms. One day you will grow up and consider yourself too cool for me, but for now, I will savor every moment that you need me. Your Daddy and I are so in love with you, and we always will be.



Until your next big birthday,
Mommy